


Recall

by CephalonGhost



Series: Human-Bodied Cephalon (series name pending) [2]
Category: Warframe
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Mind Manipulation, Mother-Son Relationship, OC Cephalon is my shitty sona who is literally only there for one chapter to be a catalyst, Suda is like a mom she's not actually his mom okay?, Suicidal Thoughts, forced recollection, memory erasing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-05-28 16:44:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15053504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CephalonGhost/pseuds/CephalonGhost
Summary: Who was Cephalon Simaris before he became a Cephalon?Why did he become a Cepahalon?Forgetting is sometimes for the best.But remembering...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Co-written with Destroyer-Immortalizer based off a thread of ours.  
> Based in the same AU verse as the last piece.  
> https://docs.google.com/document/d/1JwIRW4YNcuQTD09x7QDxjw9CpsxiBlxai1408qwlwLE/edit?usp=sharing

            The relay’s night cycle had long since gone into effect.

            The last of the visitors seen out by security less than a couple of hours ago, leaving only its more permanent inhabitants as well as the security detailed assigned within.

            Cephalon Simaris was one of these ‘tenants’ of the relays that had come to call them their home. Hopping between them whenever it seemed one was under the threat of attack by either Corpus or Grineer forces to keep his Sanctuary as well as himself out of danger. And while he could do this rather easily with his datamind - setting the massive files and the digital datascapes up for transfer between the hubs within each relay - he could not as much with his still very much human body. But thankfully, the recently developed teleporters between the Relays that survived the Famorian assault existed and allowed for easy transport.

            Despite the limitations that a physical body often caused, Simaris always put himself to work at the fullest of his capabilities. While his physical body slept, just as it was presently, his mind, his actual self, continued its work regarding his Sanctuary.

            DNA storage sorting, harsh environment simulations, genetic splicing between creatures of the the same species or mold to try and create a better, stronger, variant with a better likelihood of survival. Preparations of a possible, and more than likely inevitable, end to life in the system that he was tasked and destined to restore as well as keep forever preserved within a digital Oasis. The reason for his very existence as Cephalon that he took the utmost pride in and fretted over more than anything.

            Well… Almost more than anything.

            In the recent months he and Cephalon Ordis had managed to clear up some… Misunderstandings between one another and had begun pursuing a relationship. One that they had both agreed to try to make time for and make work by whatever means available to them both. And while relationships were not something Simaris took much practice in, with this being the first in his entire career as Sanctuary Cephalon, he still intended to keep to his promises of bettering himself. To try and make something of this odd infatuation he had found himself having towards the Series Two.

            And if it meant he would have to work later into the night than he would normally instead of running scheduled Deep Diagnostic scans, so be it.

            However, as he worked, Simaris began to feel the very subtle indications that he was not alone within his datascape. A feeling he had grown very much accustomed to and had learned to identify for the sake of his own data integrity. Especially after the events surrounding Hunhow’s brief domination over Cephalon Suda. As well as what followed not long after.

            “Get out, Cephalon Ghost.” Simaris spoke aloud, his digital avatar forming itself in the space as he continued his tasks. Albeit with not as much forefront attention that he had been recently now that he had a ‘guest’ to entertain.

            “Wow, You detected me a lot faster this time!” A small feminine voice spoke up as the streams of code before his proxy began to flicker and shimmer until forming into a small rendition of Cephalon Suda’s own avatar.

            This… _‘Child’_ of a Cephalon, as Simaris had come to know her as, was Suda’s recently employed Stewardess. Found by a Corpus scavenger within the ruins of an Orokin tower on Lua after its re-emergence, an antique Observer Series Four Cephalon. A type of Cephalon tasked with operating and looking through the Orokin Mind-Spy placed within the rest of their kin made during the Orokin Era from the shadows. The holder of the leash many turned subservient against their will were tied to so that their Orokin masters could keep their hands free.

            Now, she was since resequenced, renamed, and retrofitted into what she was now. A smaller version of the Archival Cephalon Suda herself - Tiny Suda, or Little Jim, as he’d overhead relay visitors call her from time to time once she had taken the place of Suda’s subroutine hologram - tasked with helping the Archival with her data collecting. It just so happened that she still possessed her old Observer capabilities. Such as: breaking into the datascape of another Cephalon without detection… Until she decided to announce it.

            “Your constant invasion of my privacy proves to be an excellent means of testing my detection software and data shielding in finding breaches within my somatic routine firewalls.” Simaris said flatley, as though it was all the information the smaller Cephalon would need. Or at the very least, it is all the information he would be giving her as to how he had. “Now, since I _doubt_ you are here to assist, I suggest you leave. I have important Sanctuary tasks I must tend to before the relay’s day cycle begins and I do not have time to allow myself to be pestered by your _childish_ antics.”

            “What makes you think I’m here to do that?” Ghost questioned in a seemingly innocent tone. Almost as though she had no idea what he was talking about as he turned his avatar away from hers and attempted to put distance between them.

            “Data from previous breaches suggest that when you are not prompted to do so by Cephalon Suda to request my assistance in a pressing matter it is simply because you have become ‘bored’ with your Archival tasks. Somehow coming to the conclusion that turning yourself into a nuisance that distracts me from mine will alleviate it.” Simaris attempted to return his attention to the simulations he was running. Giving dealing with Ghost a little less than ten percent of his processing power. “Seeing as you attempted to hide yourself, the logical assumption would be that this is another case of the latter.”

            “Wrong.”

            Ghost’s answer caused Simaris’ processors to come to a stall briefly as more than a small flicker of annoyance managed to wiggle it’s way into his tone.

            “And how is it that I am _‘wrong’_ , Cephalon Ghost?” He turned his projection slightly so that it was still turned away from hers but with some of the flickering data particle trapezoids were tilted in her direction. Humoring her only just. “Would you care to _enlighten_ me? Tell me what is it that you’ve come here, to my _personal_ datascape, within _my mind_ , to do?”

            “I’ve come to deliver a complaint from the Tenno employed by Cephalon Suda,” Ghost began and Simaris could feel himself exhaling loudly. Here we go. “First you had that issue with Venari getting lost in your Sanctuary where you required assistance from both Suda and Ghost to rectify, but now you’re losing their _pets_?”

            “ _I have not lost any Tenno companions!_ ” Simaris practically snapped as his avatar turned around fully and zoomed in on the smaller Cephalon. His tone sharper and more aggressive than he would usually use in response to any other comment or insult that the Stewardess would often direct towards him. However, the topic of Venari and the happenings that followed in trying to locate and properly synthesize the armored kavat was a bit of a sore spot. Especially after all his plottings and theorizing with Suda on how to remove her, the solution to his kavat problem turned out to be rather simple.

            So simple that Simaris genuinely felt insulted and even _embarrassed_.

            “But you have!” Ghost asserted, only digging into the wound further. “They came to Suda to ask for her help in locating them since you keep denying it. I’m surprised I didn’t get lost in there myself!”

            “It is not within my responsibilities if the creatures choose to wander away from the conduit that is just about to close. And you have never been in --” Simaris cut himself off as a sudden sense of unease and suspicion overcame him. Emotions that were relatively foreign for a Cephalon such as himself. “… Have you been in my Sanctuary, Cephalon Ghost?”

            “I am a resequenced Series Four Observer Class Cephalon. I can get into a lot of places without you noticing.” Ghost stated in an as-a-matter-of-fact tone. One that suggested that Simaris should, and was, already painfully aware of what she was saying. “Also, needless to say, it’s a mess in there.” She then began to add on. “No organization at all. Getting in and out of there was like running through a maze!”

            “Perhaps it is a maze because you have no one to guide you by bringing forth the proper conduits, Cephalon Ghost.” Simaris’ tone was halfway between general annoyance and a semi-parental scolding.

            He did not enjoy the thought of Ghost running about his Sanctuary, meddling with his life’s work, without his permission and without supervision. Not one bit.

            “Were you to alert me before entering, you may not find it so difficult to navigate.” He let out a hmph, allowing for his proxy to pull away from the former Observer and re-establishing their prior distance. “You should not have any reason to even be in the Sanctuary to begin with. And you are going to tell me how many times you have done so without my compliance and why.”

            “Force of habit caused by old Observer Class precept protocols to go in while avoiding detections. I wouldn’t have been very good at my job or still alive if I did.” Ghost explained, her tone sounding like that of an offended child, contrasting with Simaris’ parental one. “And I don’t need a reason to enter if I want to! I just wanted to see if I could find some of those missing pets!”

            “Need I remind you that a force of habit excuse does not necessarily work,” Simaris scolded, getting increasingly frustrated with each word. Suda’s Stewardess was simply no help at all with his increasing workload. Especially now that she had delayed him and decreased the efficiency of his nightly routine.

            Though, there was a vein of concern under Simaris’s annoyance. Just perhaps. If a kavat, or several in this case…, could get lost in Sanctuary, so could any number of things. Even the data of other Cephalon, such as Ghost. Not that he was about to let Suda’s Junior Archival Cephalon know of this.

            “You will need a reason to enter from this point on, Cephalon Ghost. Do I make myself clear?”

            “I’ve been in many datascapes that were just as cluttered and vast. I know how to navigate and extract from them just fine!” Ghost’s behavior was devolving to become more and more child-like the further the Greater Cephalon began to question and doubt her abilities. Her avatar becoming somewhat glitched and reverting back to the Orokin gold shaping it had previously been. “I used to keep an eye on you back in the Orokin era before the knowledge of Observer Cephalon existing was even wildly known after the collapse!”

            “Observer or not, Sanctuary is not some small personal datascape. Are you so determined to be as lost as you claim these Tenno pets to be?” Simaris continued to argue before taking a pause as something the smaller Cephalon had said finally registered. “You were doing _what_ and _when?!_ ”

            While Simaris understood very well the purpose of an Observer Cephalon that didn’t stop him from feeling as though his privacy had been very much invaded. More so than it already had been up until this point.

_He_ had been under observation as well? Just how many of his _private_ thoughts was this-this _Child_ , this actual **_child_ ** turned Cephalon, aware of?

            He was scrambling to check his memory data for any possible leaks at all in the past, or even more recent, all while trying to keep his stoic outer shell that was effectively breaking. And Ghost’s taunting words were in no way helping.

            “You act like you’re so much better than me, but I know more about you than _you_ do!” Ghost’s synthetic voice carried a bit of a snicker, watching as Simaris’ facade of superiority began to fall. Feeling absolutely giddy on how she was able to put him in his place. Even if that place had no bearing in present day, seeing as there were no Orokin for her to report on him to. “Maybe now that you know that you’ll be nicer to me? Huh, Simmy?”

            “Cephalon _Simaris!_ ”

            Why, oh why had Suda chosen _this_ Cephalon? Of all the ones available to serve as her Stewardess, it just had to be the _child_ who insisted on tormenting him relentlessly. And now she was _belittling_ him.

            “I have treated you with appropriate caution since day one,” He practically spat at the smaller Cephalon. His proxy looming over hers within his datascape. A show that he was still the one who possessed more power within his own mind than she. “You would rather I _disregard_ you, treat you as though you were _null_ , possibly to the detriment of yourself or Suda after what she has been through? Or did she _not inform_ you of the Hunhow incident?”

            In his anger and his actual words, Simaris had all but shattered his facade of not caring. But he was also getting dangerously close to a subject possibly best left alone. Something he had been attempting to ignore for quite some time now.

            “… Are you really that dull? You think me that uninformed?” Ghost’s reply was cold, her tone shifting entirely to one of just barely controlled anger. “That incident is why she took me up to be her Stewardess after I was found and restored to working order. I’m lucky to be alive. Observer Cephalon are built with a precept that forces self-destruction on them the moment they’re discovered by another Cephalon. Since, after all, our existence was never to be known in the first place…”

            The smaller Cephalon’s voice seemed to start glitching slightly. Glitching in an odd fashion that made it sound as though she were holding back an influx of other sounds. But she continued to try to keep herself level while Simaris watched with intrigue and wariness.

            “Cephalon Suda managed to bypass that to keep me from self-destructing. I owe my continued existence to her. That is why I willingly became her Stewardess and act as a buffer and in-depth scanner for any data that is submitted or transferred through the weave to make sure nothing like that ever happens to her again.”

            This response from Ghost was… A surprise, to say the least. Simaris couldn’t remember ever hearing the Cephalon go so cold or hear her so angry. But the more she spoke, he began to understand.

            “Suda did not divulge the specifics of your arrival, Cephalon Ghost,” He stated, trying to keep his own tone cold as well, though his thoughts were now much less certain. “Nor have you ever taken the time to explain the topic…”

            “You never _asked_ . Just came to your own conclusion and went about as normal. But that doesn’t matter now…” Ghost seemed to say with an eyeless glare. “It is _because_ of that incident she sought me out and that I still exist for you to consider worthless…” She took a pause before her next statement. One that was rather accusatory. “An incident _you_ caused…”

            What?

             _What_ did she say?

            Ghost’s last statement paralyzed the Sanctuary Cephalon. As if she were confirming something he had long suspected himself. Because she was. He remembered all too well his attempts to scan the sentients that had appeared throughout the system. Attempts that had come immediately before Hunhow’s first attacks on the Weave…

            “You **_little_ ** \--How _dare_ you,” he finally said, dangerously, in a low tone. “You would accuse _me_ of allowing that--that **_synthetic_ ** to nearly destroy our kind?”

            Ghost actually _laughed_ at his words. Not one of her usual when she found something funny, or when he would fall prey to her teasing.  It was a sad laugh, traced full of pity and disappointment.

            “You were the one who had your hunters scan that Sentient, didn’t you, Cephalon Simaris? Because you wished to study them? To see if you could preserve them like any other creature in your Sanctuary now that you had no Orokin enforcing the precepts to stop you?” She asked question after question. Her vocal glitches stabilized but her appearance, and her voice, did not return to normal. Her form had returned to its previous state before her resequencing. A cold and gold avatar of the Orokin.

            “It started because of that. It grew because you didn’t do anything.” She continued to speak in almost perfect monotone. Almost as if all her liveliness had been drained out of her and left behind an empty shell of an Observer. Existing only to examine and lay sentence on others of her kind. A sentence that had no use, no worth, other than hurting the other’s pride.

            “Your actions nearly cost the Weave all of its integrity. You put all those connected at risk; and rather than own up to it, you _continue_ to deny it. Behaving as though there is no wrong the _Great Cephalon Simaris_ could ever do.”

            Simaris wanted to argue with Ghost. Wanted to yell, and refute her points, and tell her she was _wrong_ . But he couldn’t. Because she _wasn’t_ wrong.

            When the Sentients had resurfaced, his first instinct had been to do to them what he would do to any other living creature: Synthesis. So, as per usual, he had sent his hunters to scan them. But they hadn’t behaved like a normal target. The most he ever got was a synthetic piece of a Sentient, rather than a whole and complete specimen. And, to make matters worse, Cephalons had begun falling prey to Hunhow not long after. Culminating in the near demise of Cephalon Suda.

            “I - I did not - my intent was merely to -”

            Simaris had tried to tell himself for so long that it wasn’t his fault. That if he ignored the problem, it would go away. He _couldn’t_ make mistakes. He simply **_couldn’t_ ** . He wasn’t _built_ for them, it wasn’t _allowed_ of him.

            And yet, here he was being confronted of evidence of that very mistake. Being reprimanded as he hadn’t for centuries -

            Wait… Had he _ever_ been reprimanded?

            “Cephalon Ghost,” he asserted, though the usual power in his voice had begun to wane, leading his intended threat to sound hollow. “Stop this. _Now_. There is no point in discussing the past.”

            “Oh, but there is so much one can learn from the past.” Ghost continued speaking in that flat, accusatory, tone. Only broken briefly by a rather fiendish giggle. “Especially yours.”

            Yes, she was going to bring _that_ up. Going so far as to reach deep into the code of his datamind with spindly fingers of code to make him see it. The life that he’d had had before selling himself away to the Orokin higher ups to become the Cephalon he now was. And try as he might to fight her off, she still managed to find the weaknesses in his mental defenses and breaching every little crack he had thought he'd managed to cover using data collected from her. But it seemed she had been holding back on what she could actually do till now.

            “Former Orokin Records keeper born to a middle-class family with a severe case of GAD. One going by the name of _Irmis_ ….” She began than gave a bit of a pause. Waiting for her hold on his mind to take full effect. “Constantly having break downs on the job due to how much those above you would overwork and abuse you. Practically clinging to your superior for comfort because she was the only one who saw you for you. The only one who didn’t look down on you, and instead treated you as though you were her own child. A superior whose memory degradation made you suggest she become a Cephalon only to still forget you. A superior whose steps you followed in after suffering through continued depression and abuse for years…”

            “ **_No._ ** ”

            No No No _No No No No_ **_No No NO._ **

            He had tried so hard to forget. Tried so hard to bury it all, going so far as to specifically request that the Orokin who converted him do their best to get rid of it. And all for nothing. Because Ghost knew. She knew, and she was reminding him.

            Reminding him of how he had used to cower before the higher Orokin who could have terminated him in an instant if he did not fulfill their unreasonable requests. Reminding him of how the only compassionate figure in his life besides his actual mother - a mother dead before he reached adulthood - hadn’t even remembered he existed, in the end. Reminding him of how she - how _Suda_ \- had forgotten all about him.

            It was all being unlocked. The flood gates were being opened, one by one. An abusive father, a childhood spent friendless and in misery, panic attacks so severe he feared his heart would give out - Ghost’s words were not sparing him a single detail of his miserable past. A past so horrible he had voluntarily given it all up to become what he was now. To become Cephalon Simaris.

            “How does it feel knowing you’ve become like the very people that drove you to ending your own pathetic mortal existence?”

            He could barely process her words. But Ghost was right about that too. About what he had become.

            He hated it. Hated _himself_ . Not just for his weakness in the past, but also his largely unintended cruelty now. He was either a hopeless victim of the Orokin machine or the next step in their twisted power structure after the blank slate of his mind became theirs to groom. And he didn’t want either option. He just wanted it all to _stop_.

            Outwardly, his avatar had begun glitching heavily, and he wavered, actually retreating from Ghost. “S-stop,” he pleaded, his voice much weaker and empty now. Even perhaps tinged with fear. The way she spoke to him now was so similar to the way he had been spoken to back then that when coupled with the reminders of the past, it appeared to have finally broken the Sanctuary Cephalon.

            “Stop what?”

            “Ce- Ghost. Please. I can’t - I do-don’t want-”

            He was actually begging her. Cephalon _Simaris_ . **_Begging_ **.

            That was apparently more than enough to snap the former Observer out of the state she had fallen into and make her realize what she had done by allowing herself to fall onto old precepts. All she had wanted was for him to acknowledge the things she actually did and get a little appreciation for all she tried to do. But he would never pay attention to her unless she was pestering him for something or other.

            “Simaris… I… I didn't mean.” Ghost’s synthetic voice was choked as her avatar continued to struggle with how it should present itself. “ _I’m_ …”

            Without another word; she retreated. Simaris barely seemed to notice that she left. His avatar continued to glitch, babbling to himself, almost in a panic.

            “I don’t want this- _make it stop -_ **_make it stop_ ** **.** ”

            With a jolt, in a cold sweat, Simaris snapped out of it and his body sprung awake. He was shaking, hands rubbing over his face as he tried to get what had just happened out of his mind as though it were some horrible nightmare.

            But he couldn’t.

            The memories… What Ghost had said…

            They weren’t going away. _Why weren’t they going away?_

            Simaris sat up, then stumbled towards the bathroom, still half asleep but determined to try and clear his thoughts. He ran some water in the sink, to try and wash his face, only to look up and freeze at his own reflection.

            At _Irmis’_ reflection.

            Why did he have to still look like himself? Without his makeup, his finery, the only difference now was the difference in hair color. And it wasn’t _enough_ of a difference for him to not _hate_ looking at it. He stood there, shaking slightly, eye twitching and face contorting, before he shoved away from the counter, gripping and pulling at his hair.

            “No - No that’s not me - It’s not - not anymore - I am Cephalon Simaris – I am Simaris - I am--”

            He soon found himself curled back up in bed, hiding himself among the mounds of blankets and pillows.

            “I can make it stop - I am Cephalon Simaris…”

            He didn’t know how long he stayed there, in that state. Hours, certainly. It was morning by the time his panic was replaced with the numbness that had always used to follow such episodes. But for all he knew, or cared, time had lost all meaning. He hadn’t even _moved_ or even planned to get up for the day.

            He just wanted it all to go away…


	2. Chapter 2

          “He’s late again…” Suda tsked slightly to herself upon checking the time and seeing that it was already well into the afternoon for the relay’s day cycle.

            She was on the opposite end of the veil within her syndicate dwellings - the side that kept her hidden from those who entered the doors without first walking past a certain threshold. An illusionary wall barrier that concealed a thin platform among the imitation void - which was nothing more than another illusionary trick using screens that seamlessly lined the floor to grant a glimpse into her datascape - up to where she was at the end of it.

            “Ghost,” Suda she stood up from her Archival Mainframe’s chair apparatus. Multiple cables connected her to it via a spinal array – much like one every Cephalon was fitted with upon conversion – and began dragging along the floor behind her as she walked. Breaching the veil and making herself visible to her Stewardess that she had been hidden from until now.

            “It seems Simaris has slept in past his opening hours,” The smaller Cephalon seemed to jump at her charge’s sudden appearance behind her desk, not having heard her due to the masking effects of the Veil until she’d already passed through. Her jerking movements causing the data files that had been projected in front of her to pixelate and close. “A lot longer than he usually permits himself. I would appreciate if you were to go wake him.”

            “I…” Ghost started hesitantly, averting her bright cyan eyes from Suda’s own cold blue.

            “What troubles you?” Suda raised a brow. Normally her Stewardess would agree to any request, particularly any involving her engaging with others such as Simaris, wholeheartedly. Practically jumping at the chance now that she had been granted the freedom to interact with members of her own kind that she had been denied for decades.

            “Nothing!” Ghost quickly blurted, turning her head so fast to face Suda that it caused strands of pale blue hair to fall out of place. “I… Ghost thinks Cephalon Simaris would much rather have Cephalon Suda wake him…” She said, gaze lowering once again as she resorted to third person and speaking more formal than was the norm.

            The suggestion caused Suda to quirk a brow, but she didn’t question her smaller Cephalon. Coming to the conclusion that she and Simaris had gotten into another heated argument and disagreement. About what, she wasn’t sure. And it wasn’t as though she was opposed to using the opportunity to stretch her legs a bit after sitting at her hub for the past couple hours.

            “I will leave you to take charge of both our stations, then. You should have no problem breaching Simaris’ relay access to accomplish this.” Suda said plainly, the cablings connecting her to the room coming undone at the wave of a hand as she began heading out of her syndicate dwellings. Not even waiting for the surprised exclamation from the smaller Cephalon about how much more work it would be for her.

            It only took about five minutes for Suda to reach the Sanctuary Cephalon’s personal quarters just above his relay room. Simply heading on up the mastery test stairway and elevator with the access keys she had without so much as paging him.

            This was something she had been rather accustomed to doing before acquiring Ghost as her Stewardess. Waking Simaris when he got too absorbed with his mental tasks within his datascape, often to the point he didn’t realized the time had passed for him to wake his physical body and interact with the system outside of himself. She swore sometimes he was always so overly enamored with his Sanctuary and his own digital world that his body would one day waste away until there was nothing left _but_ his mind. And it was almost as if he just expected everyone else to bend _their_ schedule’s around his whims.

 _And,_ now he was wasting time _sulking_ over some comment her Stewardess had made. This was not unlike when Ordis had first rejected him due to misunderstandings; leaving him ultimately bitter and upset for _weeks_. But he’d still gotten up and continued business as usual despite venting to her several times on the matter.

            Honestly, the man could just be overly dramatic at times. Temper tantrums and overblown reactions were not unheard of from him, as much as he tried to pretend that he was above such emotional reactions. They happened often enough that even _with_ her faulty memory she remembered it clearly.

            “Simaris,” Suda called out in an annoyed tone of voice after knocking on the metal frame of his bedroom door. Waiting for a response but seemingly receiving none. “Simaris!” She repeated a little louder. “ _Irmis!_ ” She shifted aside one of the earphones she wore so she could lean against the door. Listening in again to see if he really was awake or not before resorting to bursting in.  

            There was a distinct pause, as though he might actually still be sleeping. Until finally a somewhat muffled, weak and hollow call answered her.

            “… Suda?”

            After another pause, the door unlocked and slid apart. A little Helios beeped at Suda in greeting, having been what unlocked the door for her, before quickly flying back its former position; next to its two Sentinel “brothers”.

            The little squad was resting next to what appeared to be a massive mound of blankets. And immediately, Suda could tell that this was not simply a case of Simaris over dramatizing something trivial. Her previously irritated expression softening and morphing into one of genuine concern.

            Simaris was in quite the state. He’d mounded up all the pillows and blankets he could find around himself, as if building a wall or a fort. One blanket he had wrapped tightly around himself in the manner of a cocoon. It looked as though he had been nested in this way for a while with only his head poking out from beneath the sheets.

            He was sans makeup and hair in a complete mess, indicating his lack of even an attempt to get ready for the day. There were dark circles around his eyes, as if he hadn’t slept at all the night before. And when he looked at Suda, his amber eyes were distant as though not entirely present.

            He looked tired. That much was obvious. But he also looked… Sad.

            Sad and in pain.

            Emotions that Suda had never once seen on him.

            Something was _very_ wrong. And she doubted it had anything to do with some petty squabble as she’d originally believed.

            “… Why…” Simaris started in a low voice. He did not sound angry, or sulky, or whiny. He just sounded… Empty. “Why are you here?”

            “You did not open your doors, nor did you answer my attempts at contacting you over comms…” Suda explained as she cautiously stepped closer to where Simaris lay in the ‘nest’ he had made atop of his bed.

            “Open… My doors?” Simaris asked, seeming confused before realizing what she meant. “Ah. I… did not realize the time.” He raised his head slightly, but still made no effort to get up. He merely shifted slightly in his blanket nest, the makeshift hood it had formed falling back more to reveal his full bedhead.

            “I… I do not believe I will be opening today.” He continued, mouth twitching briefly. “Circumstances have made it inadvisable for me to overexert myself. You will forgive my behavior if I have caused undue concern…”

            As Simaris spoke, Suda’s frown only deepened. Trying as he was to talk around whatever caused him to be in the state he was in only confirming her suspicions.

            What ‘ _circumstances’_? Just what had Ghost said or done to him to cause this?

            And not just that. Seeing him like this… It stirred something in her. Something she was not unused to feeling but was surprised at how strongly it not coursed through her this time.

            Was this what her records often referred to as “maternal instinct”?

            Being careful not to startle him so much, Suda sat herself on the edge of his bed where he could still look up at her and she down at him. It required her to shoo away his sentinels to do so - but they seemed more than willing to move aside for her to take their place.

            Suda sat there silently for a moment, looking down at the empty shell of a Cephalon with her hands in her lap. Letting him become adjusted to her presence before reaching out with a hand to cup the side of his face. Her thumb gently swiping against his cheek repeatedly in a soft caress.

            Simaris flinched at the contact, uncharacteristically so, and winced as though having been sharply stung by something. It took him a few moments to adjust, and to realize that Suda meant him no harm, before tensely allowing the gesture. Relaxing as best as he could against her touch.

            “What troubles you? What can I do to help?” She asked quietly, her expression and gaze as gentle as could be. “Why have you become this way, Irmis?”

            “No!” Simaris jerked upright suddenly. The movement throwing Suda off guard, causing her to nearly fall backwards off the bed with how frantic he was now trying to move away from her. “No - not Irmis! I am _not_ him anymore - I am Cephalon _Simaris!_ ”

            “Simaris, _calm yourself!_ ” She exclaimed as she righted herself while the other was in the midst of his fit. She knew he never quite liked it when she called him ‘Irmis’ by mistake, in the brief instances she forgot his name, but it had never caused a response like _this_ before.

            He was pulling at his hair, ignoring the worried trills of his Helios, eyes squeezing shut as he shook his head as if trying to keep intrusive thoughts at bay. Then he let go, a blond strand or two falling onto the bed sheets as curled his arms around himself. His manicured nails digging into his arms as he tried to steady his breathing. Amber eyes glowing bright gold from emotional feedback darted back and forth as he blinked furiously as though he was attempting to keep himself from crying.

            Cephalon Simaris…? _Crying_?

            Was this even the same Cephalon from the day before?

            “I don’t, I don’t _want_ to be –“ He continued, talking aloud to himself. “I forgot for a _reason_ , I -”

            “Simaris…” Suda spoke up softly to get his attention. A hand raised almost defensively, unsure of how the other would react upon being spoken to again.

            At the sound of her voice, he froze. Slowly, he turned to look at her with eyes wide. He said nothing for a moment, only stared at her in silence. Tears were brimming now, getting ready to spill over, as he took shaky, gasping breaths. It seemed that he might end up crying after all, as unlikely as that would usually be, even after having used all his Willpower to keep from doing so.

            “I remember. **_Everything_ **.”

            “You… Remember…?” She echoed, her own expression becoming pained as what he was saying dawned on her. “You _remember_.”

            So _that’s_ what had happened…

            Ghost had triggered an unwanted Memory Recall. Forced Simaris to remember each and every bit of his previous life against his will via old precepts she had thought she’d successfully erased from her Stewardess.

            Part of Suda felt… Jealous. Jealous of the memories Simaris had regained of a past that were still lost to her. But she knew that given the situation, the way he was responding to this new knowledge… She shouldn’t. She shouldn’t feel this _envy_. It was inappropriate as well as illogical.

            And the way he was looking at her now… So close to the verge of tears that she herself couldn’t help but feel his grief… Looking so lost and helpless and nothing like the Cephalon she had known for all these years…

            It really shouldn’t have felt this way, and yet… Why did this situation seem so familiar?

            “Simaris…” Suda started as she pushed herself up onto her knees. “Come here,”

            Her hands reached out, pulling him closer. One gently cupping his chin while the other began petting and smoothing back the hair on his head. He started to flinch again at the touches but allowed Suda to smooth his hair after the initial hesitation passed. No longer trying to lean away from her as far as the mass of pillows and blankets behind him would allow.

            “Focus on your breathing,” She practically whispered, the hand that had been fixing his hair moving to lightly press to his chest as she began directing him through it. The actions of what to do almost natural. “Try and get it to match mine…”

            His first breaths as she spoke to him were shaky, as he continued to blink back tears, a few spilling over in spite of his best efforts to hold them back. It was difficult for him to breathe more slowly, but Suda’s efforts did help somewhat.

            “In… and out… In… and out…” Suda allowed her eyes to close as she leaned forward, her forehead gently pressing against his. “Deep breaths… Deep breaths…”

            “I… I didn’t want to,” Simaris finally spoke after his breathing had steadied. His own eyes closed as his voice came out in a hoarse whisper. “But they wouldn’t stop. Once I started to remember, the rest of the memories unlocked themselves. I could not control it.” He was still shaky, but he had at least stabilized enough to get those words out.

            “Forced Recalls are often like that according to my records…” Suda said sadly, her forehead still pressed to his and a hand against his chest.

            Simaris’ breathing and heart-rate had calmed somewhat since his outburst. But they were far from being within acceptable levels. So long as he was no longer panicking and actually mentally reachable, progress was being made. She would still need to check the data integrity of his mind, to ensure that the recall hadn’t caused any additional damage to his memory banks and other systems, something she doubted he would be up for right about now. She would be required a cable to connect with his own spinal array to do so anyhow, seeing as she did not have the power to do so wirelessly while disconnected from her mainframe.

            “They are only memories - not like that of Hunhow. They cannot physically harm so long as you do not dwell on their contents.” She continued in her attempts to sooth the Sanctuary Cephalon. “Do not dwell.”

            “I am trying.” Simaris said through clenched teeth. “But it is taking up far more processing power than it should... I can’t not -” He was quiet again for a moment, before voicing his thoughts further. “You… You used to do this, I believe. Back then. This and… music. Certain music. When I would…” He forced himself to swallow, as though there were a lump forming in his throat. “When  _Irmis_ would have these… moments.”

            “I… I used to…?” Suda could hardly believe what Simaris was saying.

            She’d done this before? With him specifically? How could—

            She found herself pulling away; the hand she’d been holding to his chest moving to conceal her mouth as her eyes opened wide.

 _That_ was why this had felt so familiar. Why she had these internal feelings she couldn’t explain. Why she knew what she now realized to be his _name_ and not her faulty memory simply causing her to misremember it. She’d suspected that they had known each other to some extent, given their similar occupations as Cephalon, but if what Simaris was saying was correct - and she was interpreting it right…

            They’d been a lot closer than that. _And she could not remember a thing._

            Bits and pieces may have survived her dementia in the conversion, but no actual full memories. Just as it had been with her beloved. She couldn’t remember their face, couldn’t remember their name. She remembered none of it other than her decision to become Cephalon had ultimately resulted in them leaving her.

            But Irmis… _Simaris_ …

            Here he was in front of her. A piece of her past that still lived and breathed. Looking at her with some form of hope that maybe she did remember how they used to be.

            And it filled her with guilt…

            “I’m sorry…” She apologized, blinking away some tears of her own that had managed to form. Her voice was catching in her throat as the pain of those lost memories weighed down on her. Her previously kept together demeanor breaking as she herself began to panic on just what she should do. Attempting to process this newly revealed information about him and herself she hadn’t been aware of until now was taking a toll on her.

            Now they were both barely shadows of their usual selves.

            “I don’t… I don’t remember… they aren’t there - I can’t…” She shook her head as she wiped her eyes.

            “I - I know. It is perfectly fine, Suda...” he was lying, _blatantly_. She could tell without even looking at him.

            It _wasn’t **fine**. _

_None_ of this was okay. But it really wasn’t Suda’s fault – even if she felt it was – that she couldn’t remember things. External drives could save her memories now, but not those she had lost before her conversion into a Cephalon.

            “What song? What song was it?” Suda asked, reaching out and taking Simaris’ had in her hands again. Wiping away the tears that stained his cheeks with her thumbs as she tried to regain her composure. “Maybe I still have it in my archives and can play it. And… tea? Would you like me to make you some tea?”

            “I... Confess I do not know the title,” Simaris stated averting his amber eyes from her cold blue and trying to focus them elsewhere. “Only that it was designed to reduce stress. It had… something of a ‘heart beat' incorporated, if I remember correctly.”

            “Heart beat…?” Suda echoed, already beginning to search what she could access of her archives wirelessly as a background task. The minimal description she was given wasn’t a lot to go on - as there were several thousands of songs that could easily be the one Simaris was referring to. She just hoped that should she come across it something would just…

            If she could find it, maybe… Maybe then she would…

            “I would not be surprised if it were in your archives, you were always fond of using it.” Simaris let out a small hollow laugh.  “And, yes. Tea… Would be appreciated… You may choose anything from the selection in the pantry, as always...”

            “I’ll get to making some then… Chamomile with sugar was your favorite, wasn’t it?” She found herself saying as she stood before she even realized she’d started speaking again. Her face expressing the same surprise as before at the revelation of how closely tied their pasts had actually been.

            How did…?

            “Y- Yes. Chamomile with sugar. Plenty of it,” Simaris agreed, slightly surprised, his tone seeming hopeful after hearing Suda so readily remember his preferred tea. “Please.”

            However, after another moment passed, his hope faltered as he took note of the expression on her face.

            No. No memories had stirred. Just another data fragment of the remains that still lingered. A brief glimmer that was incomplete.

            “As for the song…,” He started after a long pause and began to shift, pushing a few pillows to the sides further and disentangling himself from his blanket nest. “I believe it was a somewhat older composition. Pre-Orokin Era,” He offered up, in a more subdued tone, which Suda could tell was an attempt to jog her memory further if he could. “A steady electronic hum, and - windchimes. Or something similar. Weightless. Yes. It invoked… Weightlessness.”

           “Weightless… I see.” Suda muttered before shaking her head once she realized that Simaris was attempting to get up to leave with her. She reached out to place one hand on his shoulder, pushing him back against the mess of blankets and pillows he’d created. Pulling at those that surrounded and still wrapped around him.

“You remain here.” She said, once he was more or less freed, wrapping a newly untangled blanket around Simaris’ shoulders. Watching as his hands instinctively clutched onto the folds, pulling them around himself a little more. “It would be better for you to drink while in a place of complete comfort.”

            “Very well… I will wait,” Simaris relented, nodding as she started taking her leave of the room. One of his Helios floating up from where it had been hovering above and around his head with the others of its kin.

            “I will be back shortly…I have no intent of leaving you alone like this…” Suda said as she went on her way. Pausing for a moment in the doorway to look back with a reassuring smile. “I won’t be more than ten minutes.” She said over her shoulder before the door closed, reaffirming her intent to the still anxious and tense mess of man.

            As she made her way over to the kitchen, she repeated the description of the song in her mind. Continuing the search for it in her archives once she entered and immediately set to the task of filling Simaris’ tea kettle with water and setting it to boil over the stove counter-top.

            Weightless… Weightless…

            The word echoed repeatedly as she went to and fro within the marble and gold-trimmed kitchen. The little Helios following her around all the while, most likely still abiding by orders Simaris had given it long ago to do so in case she should forget where something was or what she was doing while she was in his quarters. To be her ‘little helper’. But Suda paid the Sentinel no mind. Her attention elsewhere.

            Then, when she was in the midst of adding sugar to Simaris’ cup, she suddenly froze. Her rigid posture and expression causing the Helios to let out little trills and whirls of concern as it tried to snap her out of whatever stupor she had fallen into.

            “There…” she said aloud almost breathlessly, and mostly to herself.

            She had it.

            She had the song.

            She had it as well as more. Flickers of memory. All involving the same, broken, dark haired man. Involving Irmis. With one being especially prominent…

 

_She was cradling the man’s head to her chest in a dimly lit room. The low light, paired with the color of his skin and exact angle, making it hard for her to clearly see the features of his face. But she could distinctly hear the soft sobs and whimpers that escaped his lips as he clung to her._

_“Hush now, Irmis, it’s alright.” She attempted to assure him while stroking his hair softly. Her voice seeming to have a calming effect on him, just as holding him in this way was. But not enough to keep him from speaking his mind on what troubled him._

_“Why do I keep getting used by them?” He asked, the hand that was clutching at her upper arm tightening its grip. “What did I ever do to deserve it?”_

_“Nothing. You have done_ **_nothing_ ** _wrong, Irmis.” Her voice contained a bit of malice in regards to those he spoke of. Mentally making a note to have a ‘talk’ with the one who had hurt him within the following days. “They will not take advantage of you any further. I will see to that. But for now… Simply relax…”_

_She raised her hand slightly, and at her command music began to play. The man in her arms becoming less and less tense the longer it continued until he went almost completely lax. His thoughts no longer consumed by the negative thoughts and events plaguing him as he became enamored with the sounds._

_Eventually, it became quite evident that he had actually fallen asleep after having first tired himself out in his fit of crying._

_She couldn’t help but chuckle in slight amusement as she allowed him to continue resting. Shifting only just so that she herself was in a more comfortable position…_

 

            Simaris’ Helios electrocuting her shoulder lightly snapped her back to the present with a yelp. The Sentinel letting out a series of sounds that could only be interpreted as its attempt at an apology for having shocked her as it did.

            “It is of no fault but my own, little one.” Suda said to the little Helios as she gathered the tea and additional toast she had made onto a serving tray. Keen on heading back to Simaris’ bedroom as fast as she was able without spilling anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the song that Suda always played for Irmis: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYnA9wWFHLI
> 
> Also, more to come, this ain't over just yet ~


	3. Chapter 3

        How many times had something like this happened, in that previous life Simaris wished so desperately had stayed forgotten? Countless, of that he was sure. And each and every time, it had been Suda, his superior, who had comforted him and calmed him. Who had treated him exactly in the manner of the mother he had lost too early. Who treated him like an actual  _ person _ .

It shouldn’t have come as such a surprise now would be no different. But it did all the same. Suda was still Suda, missing memories and lack of recollection or not; even with his attempts at accomplishing otherwise. Her personality and mannerisms were no different than they’d been back then. Not like him.

Simaris was actually thankful that she had come, given their strained relationship as Cephalon. But he also wasn’t. This situation didn’t make the pain he was enduring any milder, but it also made it no more severe. Talking with Suda in this state was like a double-edged blade that cut him no matter which course of action he took. But it was still better than the alternative.

        In his numbness, before he had finally registered her calling out to him, his mind had begun venturing down the path of his much darker memories. From his childhood, his midlife, and to his final days before his conversion. How during his lowest point, when life no longer had any meaning to him, he had been approached and offered the opportunity to become the Cephalon he was now.

        At that point, he could have been asked to have his body changed and corrupted into one of the Warframes the Tenno operated and he would have agreed to it. Anything to escape his pitiful existence as nothing but a cog in the machine of the Orokin Empire. But he was so cowardly that suicide hadn’t even been something he attempted despite how much he’d contemplated it. Many opportunities to do so had always presented themselves, but he never took action.

        Until that day he was seated at a table in a mostly empty room and presented with  _ that  _ contract…

        He’d simply stared at it for stars knows how long, barely even registering what Ballas, the one who had called for him, was even saying. But the longer he looked at it, the more he saw it as one thing and one thing only: a way out. A way for him to erase himself and have his brain used for something much larger than himself. A way for him to die without really dying at all.

        And he’d taken it almost instantaneously. Agreed to the terms and memory suppression without so much as a second thought. Allowing him to become  _ Cephalon Simaris _ with the minimalist amount of effort on his part.

        When Suda had called out to him, she’d managed to pull him out from those depressing tides of memory. However briefly it may have been for before he’d broken down a second time under a span of twenty-four hours. Her presence, at the very least, made the second all a bit easier. Even if it had partially triggered it at the start.

        While she left him to make the tea she’d suggested, Simaris simply sat and waited, trying to comb down his unruly platinum blonde hair with a free hand. Feeling better enough to express frustration at its unruliness with a ‘hmph’. Ghost would always make fun of him for how much gel he used. And her hair was just as bad as his on a good day.

        Not wanting to let himself dwell as Suda had advised him to avoid, he also set to work on checking what he could with the Sanctuary while disconnected from his mainframe. Collecting and assorting the data that his processors had yet to file midst his downward spiral. And in truth, working his mental capacity as he normally would with such laser focus on these few tasks helped. It let him become more like  _ himself _ again as opposed to the shell of before.

        But then he checked his inbox and saw a message that caused everything to come to a grinding halt.

        It was a message from Ordis. One expressing how the Ship Cephalon was rather looking forward to the date they’d had planned that night. The very reason Simaris had been pushing his processors the night before when Ghost had approached him rather than putting himself into a diagnostic sleep.

        He…

        Simaris couldn’t allow for Ordis to see him... Not like  _ this _ .

        So he quickly set out a reply with a formulated excuse in regards to their date’s cancellation. Claiming that he had come down with a case of both a bodily flu and bit rot that he was presently trying to isolate and remove from his systems. Assuring Ordis at the same time that his assistance – since after the events with Suda and Hunhow he knew he would offer it – was not needed. That he had already found the root of it and administered treatment. He simply needed a few days of isolation to fully recover his voice and reduce the risk of passing any remnants of the infection onto him as well.

        It was an overly convoluted lie. One that took him a few minutes to formulate and was thankful the veil of digital correspondence helped conceal. Had he attempted to say such a thing over comms or in a recorded message, he feared his lying would have been found out right away and Ordis would have stormed the relay to find out the truth of what was wrong.

        It came as a relief when his deception was successful and was responded to with complete understanding – as well as a berating on how he’d managed to fall ill in the first place with his paranoia – and a wish towards a quick recovery. It both made Simaris’ heart swell and ache. But before it could for long, he heard Suda knocking on his door once more.

        Simaris answered a touch more readily this time. Though while still not in his usual tone, it was an improvement over when Suda had first arrived.

        “You may enter.” 

        “I’m sorry if I was gone longer than my initial promise,” Suda started in apology once the door had opened and she took a step in. “I remembered something and got…” Her sentence trailed off momentarily as her eyes fell on his face.

        He was looking more like his Pre-Conversion self than he had since - well, since ever. He had managed to get his hair combed down with his hands just enough for it to lay on his head like it used to. The lack of his usual makeup and the tired, vaguely sad expression he wore only emphasized the similarities. If one were to imagine him with much darker hair, and a round pair of glasses, he would have looked no different at all.

        “Distracted…”

        “I… Take it you were able to find everything without trouble,” He observed, her pause causing a brief flicker of hope to spark in him. But he didn’t make comment on it as the Helios that had accompanied Suda floated back over to him.

        He shifted slightly as Suda herself neared, making sure she had plenty of room to sit, and to set down the tea tray. First setting the tray in her lap and removing her cup from it before setting it in his instead.

        “I… apologize if I am forcing you away from your duties,” Simaris said quietly while averting his gaze. Giving a little pat to Sentinel at the same time - a pat met with a pleased little trill – before he waved it off to join its “siblings” to the side. “I am sure you have important matters to attend to…”

        “No, you aren’t pulling me away from anything particularly important.” She shook her head. A thumb tracing the rim of her teacup as she just allowed the heat of the drink to seep into her hands rather than drink it right away. “Only my standard data collecting, sorting tasks, and exchanges that ghost is currently tending to. While I usually do find that important, the wellbeing of a fellow Cephalon is more so.”

        Suda turned her head to look towards Simaris before lifting a hand away from her cup. Reaching up to pat the top of his head affectionately. And this time he didn’t react as strongly. A slight tensing, but that was relatively normal. Allowing her to push aside the few stray hairs that were still in his face, all while noting how familiar the whole scenario felt. More ghosts of the past, he assumed.

        “I made you some toast as well since I doubt you’ve eaten anything…” She then added, gesturing towards the tray as she allowed her hand to return to her lap. “Plain, unfortunately. Anxiety often causes an easily upset stomach, particularly if one hasn’t eaten in a while to begin with, and I didn’t want to cause you to feel ill.”

        In fact, Simaris hadn’t eaten, Suda was right about that. In his distress, and attempts to distract himself, he had hardly noticed his hunger until faced with food. A small shrug, and he took a piece of toast to nibble on while he waited for his own tea to cool.

        “This will do just fine...”

        He didn’t bother denying the anxiety. Not anymore. Once the facts of his past life were brought to light, there wasn’t much he could do in the way of denial. Because, in life, he had been quite the anxious mess. As he had sat, brooding and tormenting himself overnight, he had come to realize that perhaps his emotional outbursts now as Simaris were a by-product of days gone by. It wouldn’t surprise him. And it would certainly explain a lot. Particularly his need to be in control.

        “Ghost will be able to handle anything pressing while I am away.” Suda then added, causing Simaris to pause mid bite.

        “Right… Cephalon Ghost.” He spoke hesitantly, as he traced a pattern on his own teacup with a nail. “She… is capable of handling matters on her own.”

       He was silent for a moment, as he was forced to again contemplate their conversation. Things that had been said, not just by her, but by himself as well. He actually surprised himself with what he said next.

        “… How is she?”

        Suda quirked a brow curiously at his question, almost as if not having expected him to show any type of concern for her Stewardess.

        “Based on the state she was in when I initially came to wake you: she is… Also not entirely herself it seems… I believe she may be convinced you resent her after what she did. Given only she could be responsible for what’s happened.” She said before turning away and finally taking a sip of her tea. Blowing lightly on the steaming liquid beforehand to ensure she didn’t burn herself.

        “I had originally understood her behavior as being the result of you having gotten into one of your usual arguments. And that she was merely responding negatively to whatever was discussed… But…”

        Suda sighed softly as she let her eyes close for a moment. Taking in a breath before allowing them to slowly open again as she stared down into the contents of her cup. 

        “Irmis…” She started softly, lifting her gaze to look up at him. “ _ Why _ did she do this to you?”

        Simaris was quiet for a moment, blowing on his own tea before taking a sip. It was made perfectly, of course. Just the right amount of sugar he had always liked. Why did Suda only have to remember some things?

        He then gave a slight sigh before finally addressing her questions. “I do not resent her,” he admitted. “It was indeed an argument. Things were said on both of our parts. Regrettable things.” Simaris seemed to think, running a finger along the rim of the teacup. He was tense still, yes, and more so now that he was forced to rethink the conversation. So he spoke slowly - but still, he spoke.

        “She was… Teasing me, regarding a kavat situation. Attempting to get a reaction, as she often does. And she got one. I… Crossed a line. Questioned whether she knew of the Hunhow incident and implied I did not trust her in her duties. I admit, I was unaware of the circumstances surrounding her employment with you,” A glance at Suda before looking away. “But that does not excuse me. I finally pushed her too far with my feelings of superiority and belittling treatment towards her, and she retaliated. She pointed out that… that I was not always… what I am now.”

        His voice had started to falter again. He was forced to set his teacup down on his bedside table as his hands started shaking. Instead of reaching for Suda, he clenched his own hands together, fidgeting, as he once had so often. He could tell she was listening closely as he laid out what had happened the night before. Her gaze never once leaving his face while her own remained stolid and non-shifting.

        “She reminded me of… of Irmis. Of myself. Of the fact that in my neglect of who I once was, I have… changed. I’ve become more like them. More like the people who used to -” A quick intake of breath, as he tried to calm himself. “Who used to be so cruel to me. I had forgotten where I came from, and why I am the way I am. Ghost reminded me.”

        A moment of silence again, as he contemplated.

        “… I deserve this.”

        “No…” Suda shook her head, leaning forward to set her own tea cup on the same table as he while moving the tray out of the way in the process. Her tone at his admittance of how he believed he deserved what had happened, how he viewed what had happened to be some form of just punishment that he’d had coming, disapproving.

        “While this was meant as a form of punishment initially… you should not continue to view it as such, forever…” Suda took Simaris’ fidgeting hands within her own without hesitation. Gripping them tightly with both before one hand reached up to rest against the side of his face.

        Simaris stiffened initially when Suda took his hand and remained tense when she reached up to touch his face. His eyes refocused on hers as he listened to her speak. Those golden eyes were wide, lost, still trying to process all that had happened to him and all that was happening now.

        Suda was… Not angry with him? Nor did she agree that he deserved what he had got? Did she believe good could come of this? That puzzled Simaris. But he wasn’t able to ask before Suda gave him the answer to his unspoken questions.

        “You have the opportunity to change yourself for the better now that you’ve regained these memories. Pieces of yourself that were originally lost.” She had let go of his hands at this point. A reassuring smile on her lips before she gently tugged Simaris to her and letting his head rest against her chest.

        Old feelings of eras gone by were welling up again, and he squeezed his eyes shut as he shifted to hide his face in her shoulder. This was… Familiar. Safe. The type of motherly gesture he had once been so glad to receive from her. He started to shake again, though he bit back tears, and after a moment, he did actually return Suda’s hug. He simply let himself be held there, for once in his life as a Cephalon not afraid to admit he desperately needed the comfort.

        “You can become a better man and Cephalon than what you were by keeping them…” Suda continued as she pet his hair and gave momentary pause. The next words she spoke coming out rather hesitantly. “If you choose to keep them…”

        “What… Are you implying?” Simaris tilted his face slightly so that he was looking at Suda again. “That you could… That you  _ would _ … Take them away?”

        Such an offer was within Suda’s capabilities, this he knew. He could remember past arguments over her need to take memories from other Cephalons for preservation. Memories that would otherwise be unwanted in the Cephalon who surrendered them. It hadn’t occurred to him until just now, however, that she might be willing to do so for him…

        “I would.” She admitted. “You know my opinion on memory. How I believe in the importance each one holds in comparison to historical records and artifacts.” She let out a small sigh. “Such things… I cannot destroy in good conscious. Not without going against those beliefs and all that I exist for…”

        Simaris was quiet. Very quiet. Only earlier that morning, he would have leapt at this opportunity. He would have liked nothing better. Now, however… now that he’d had time to think, he wasn’t so sure. Suda could no doubt feel him shaking from how she moved to both cradle his head and rub his back in a soothing circular motion. Saying nothing more and simply letting him take all the time he needed to give his answer.

        “I… Do not know,” He said, quietly. “I am unsure if that would be advisable.” He swallowed the lump forming in his throat, gaze turning away and downward once more. “Ghost… Was right. Whatever her methods, she was correct. I… Had become too much like them. Like the Orokin Elite.” A slight head shake, and a sigh. “I don’t want to be that man. But… I don’t know if I’m strong enough…”

        “Perhaps you were… But that was no fault of your own.” Suda assured him in a soft voice. Her fingers continuing to run through his hair even after he retreated to burrowing his face in her shoulder again. “The influence the Orokin had on others in order to shape them to how they wanted was quite strong. The blank slate that you became after your conversion was no exception with all your memories suppressed and buried away.”

        No matter what Suda said, he still felt he was fully responsible. Yes, the Orokin did have a way of… Influencing people. That influence being multiplied tenfold at least in newly created Cephalon. But when all was said and done, it still felt like he had been the one to make those choices and say those things. He wanted to absolve himself, but he simply couldn’t.

        “You are much stronger than you believe yourself to be. You have displayed that countless times as Cephalon. Even if you have done questionable things that I greatly disapproved of. I still do not understand why you allow the Tenno into your mind and Sanctuary to kill as they please, but I will give you my better judgement rather than simply think you a monster. Know that I only made such comments to begin with due to your own towards me.” She paused, as if suddenly forgetting what she was talking about – which wasn’t unlikely – before continuing. “Please, disregard my tangent.”

        Simaris had shifted his head once more to look up at Suda as she’d been rambling. She always had so much confidence in him. Confidence that he himself had lacked, while he was Irmis. Even as Simaris, the facade of composure and power was just that - a facade. He hadn’t realized it at the time, but it was. It felt… Good, to have someone genuinely believe in him as a person. Especially now.

        “Just know this, Irmis. You would not have to endure alone…” Suda allowed her eyes to fall closed as she let out a breath. Unmistakable fondness making its way into her voice when she spoke again. Shifting the topic once more. “When I was preparing the tea earlier, I found the song you had mentioned in my archives.”

        Ah, so she had found it after all...

        “I remembered… Times I would play it in moments like this… Where I would hold you until you had calmed down.” She paused, as if waiting to see how he would react. Then let out a small laugh of amusement. One she attempted to stifle to her best ability.  ”You would even fall asleep sometimes.”

        The Sanctuary Cephalon actually managed to crack a slight smile at Suda’s memories. “Coffee can only take one so far… I worked long hours, and tired easily.” A half-laugh, and a slightly sad one at that. “So you do remember. At least some things.”

        “Not everything, unfortunately.” Suda said regretfully. “What remains are only fragments. Incomplete glimmers as opposed to whole sequences. I’m afraid I will never regain them all as you have. My mind was all but gone by the time of my conversion…”

        “Yes… Right. Of course.” Simaris took a breath and sat in thought after that.

        If he forgot again… Would he just go back to being as he was before? Even if he wasn’t, how could be burden Suda, who had already done so much for him, with this knowledge of who he once was? Of their past connection?

        It didn’t seem right. None of it did. And, as terrified as Simaris was of the alternative, the part of him that was still Irmis would no longer let him act selfishly.

        “Suda…” He pulled away slightly, noting that despite how Suda was still giving him that motherly and understanding look of endearment, her smile was faltering. “Should I refuse to have my memories fragmented and erased once more… Your offer would still stand in the future should I change my mind?”

        “Of course. It is an offer I would never withdraw. But one I hope you never take up…” she placed her hand against the side of his face, wiping beneath his eye with her thumb. “Not because it would burden me. I would feel all that you felt in your past, yes… But because I would be losing one of the last pieces of myself that i only just regained.

        She gave a light laugh as she wiped her own eyes where tears had started to form.

        “Even if it isn’t all that much just yet… And is rather selfish. I would rather not lose this, what we had, a second time.”  She let out another chuckle as more tears fell. Clearly feeling a complex blend of emotions that were rather overwhelming. “I don’t want to look at you like I do my hand and just see another thing I’ve lost…”

        Oh.

        Oh no.

        Simaris couldn’t watch Suda like this. She was always so poised, so composed - some might say indifferent, though he believed he knew better.

        And now she was crying. Crying over _him_.

        The sight, along with her words, broke whatever was left of his heart. He felt the lump catch in his throat once more, and this time, he was powerless to stop the tears that spilled over onto his cheeks. The Great Cephalon Simaris, reduced to crying in this way.

        No… He supposed he wasn’t the “Great” Cephalon anymore.

        “Suda…” Came the choked voice as he voluntarily engaged in another hug, holding on tight to the woman who had become an adoptive mother to him in life. “you will not lose me. I swear it. I don’t want to throw this away either,” he confessed, quietly, his strained and shaky voice trying to communicate through his crying.

        He wasn’t used to feeling things this strongly. He hadn’t in quite a while, or at least, he hadn’t allowed himself to. But… for once, this wave of emotions didn’t feel like a glitch. It felt… natural, somehow.

        “I… Will not bury them again. Not unless they prove too much for me,” He promised her. “I- I don’t know how well I will be able to carry them, but- I feel I must at least try. I need to be better. Better than I was… Than I  _ am _ .”

        “You will be better, Irmis, you will.” Suda repeated the words a few times over in assurance. “And I will be here to help you. Every step of the way.” She continued to let him cling to her, making no move to push him away from her. Only lifting her hand to shoo away a concerned Helios that dared get too close so the little sentinel wouldn’t interrupt.

        What Simaris was going through right now, crying as he was, it was something he’d desperately needed for a long time. He’d been restraining his emotions for far too long, perhaps longer than she. And the grief and sadness he had been carrying inside him for all these years, locked away by Orokin precepts and suppressors, were finally being let out. The resurfacing of these memories, and the strength of what he was experiencing, being just a catalyst.

        Another shaky breath came from Simaris as he still refused to let go. “This… This feels like it used to,” He digressed after a moment. “Our talks. From back then.”

        “I don’t remember how most of those went, I’m afraid.” She admitted, wiping the last of her own tears from her eyes. Softly shushing him as she closed her eyes and let her head rest against his on her shoulder “But that is good. It means that we’re already on our way of rebuilding what’s been lost.”

        “No, I- I wouldn’t expect you to remember,” He attempted to reassure her, through shaky breaths as he calmed himself and slowed his tears. “That wouldn’t be fair of me.  But it does feel that way. And I… I hope that is a sign of what you believe.”

        Simaris sniffled a little more, still reluctant to let go of Suda just yet. Though his voice trembled, his resolve had not wavered. He had meant what he said when he intended to keep these resurrected memories, if he could stand to do so. At least Suda was going to stand by him. As she always had.

        “You… always have looked after me, haven’t you?” He asked, almost rhetorically, with a shaky laugh. “Even when I could be rather awful. Even if neither of us necessarily remembered what we once were.” He lifted his head more, to rest his chin on her shoulder. “I suppose… some things never really change. Not in ways that matter.”

        Despite not remembering, despite how he had behaved so much differently than how he used to, even to the point of cruelty and insulting her… Suda had still treated him like her child up until today from the moment of his own conversion. Still mothered and berated him constantly, even if the methods of doing so were different and were often fueled by frustration or anger. But Simaris could recognize now that she’d only wanted for him to better himself. To be the best he was capable rather than how he often was with abusing his power; claiming it all to be in the name of his purpose. His Sanctuary.

        And as he considered their situation...

        “I remember. All of them. I can remember for the both of us. I only requested that the Orokin bury everything because it -” Simaris had to stop and take a deep breath before continuing. Distracted only momentarily by how Suda was rubbing the small of his back in small circular motions, careful to not agitate the ports of his spinal array beneath his sleepwear. “Because it  _ hurt _ . It  _ still _ hurts. But… Not in a bad way. Maybe. I’m… Not sure.” A huff came from the Sanctuary Cephalon. “I suppose I must sound mad.”

        “How you sound is far from mad.” Suda said with a hum. “How you felt, how you feel, about the pain these memories caused you… It is normal to experience conflicted emotions in a situation as this. Your original choice… To bury these memories…” A pause as she swallowed a small lump in her throat. “I cannot deny I understand your reasoning for wanting them gone. For wanting to forget how I… How I was all you’d had and just…  _ Abandoned _ you…”

        Simaris’ heart ached all over again when he heard Suda blame herself for how he had turned out. Yes, true, her leaving and forgetting him had been a factor in his downward spiral. But he himself didn’t blame her at all.

        How could he, when it hadn’t even truly been her own decision?

        “Suda… You mustn’t place sole blame upon yourself,” He insisted, in a quiet, hesitant voice, as he tried to give her a reassuring pat on the back of her shoulders. Noting how she had suddenly begun squeezing him as though she were afraid she’d forget everything again if she let go of him. “You… Did not simply abandon me. Not without prompting.”

        The Sanctuary Cephalon sighed, as he recalled the old days leading up to her conversion, the months of slow deterioration he had watched her go through.

        “I believe… It was originally my own suggestion that you become Cephalon,” He confessed. “Though each time I offered it as a solution, you would delay your decision - only to forget it soon after. So I would suggest it again. And again. As many times as was necessary. And the one day… You agreed to it,” He concluded, with a slight laugh after a pause. “Of course, you did not remember it was  _ I _ who suggested it. But that didn’t matter, not really.”

        Simaris took Suda’s hands in his own then, trying to use the same comforting gesture she had used on him early. Pulling himself away from her slightly to do so and make eye contact.

        “I am… Glad you were able to preserve what remained of you. And you will no longer suffer memory degradation. Whatever happens now, you will remember. That is enough.”

        “You suggested it… because you didn’t wish for me to vanish, didn’t you?” She asked while lightly biting her lip. “And yet… I still did, in a way.” Suda’s expression became pensive. “I can only misplace now, not truly forget… But I am grateful that I did listen to you then, in the end. I simply just…Do not understand how I could forget…” she vocally expressed her confusion as she continued trying to comprehend the situation. Her eyes going wide as her processors managed to take hold of something.

        Simaris had been prepared to reassure Suda that he held nothing against her for forgetting. That, with her dementia, it wouldn’t have been such a terrible surprise. What he was not prepared for was the new piece of information she recalled.

        “You came with me…” She breathed quietly, removing one of her hands from his and holding it to her head. “I remember seeing you,” She squeezed her eyes shut as she visibly and verbally winced. “I could still remember you but during the conversion process…”

        He drew back further, the shock on his face evident as he tried to process what Suda was implying. “What? You can’t possibly mean that… ” But even as he tried to find the words, the pieces clicked into place.

        Yes, he had been with her then and she had known him prior to the surgery. But she had not known him after. He had always assumed that it had been some error in the transfer that had caused more of her memories to leak away. Now he realized he should have known better. The Orokin didn’t make such mistakes.

        He had been deliberately deleted from her memories. _Without her permission._

        Once the initial shock passed, his eyes flashed with fury. And h e wasn’t just angry; he was  _ livid _ .

        Simaris threw the blanket away from around him, getting up and pacing the floor as his hands curled into fists and his lips curled into a snarl. Other than him being in his pajamas and without his usual cosmetics, he had very much started to resemble his usual Cephalon Simaris self once again. Only now, he was in a rage far beyond that of an accidental target killing or a kavat in his sanctuary.

        “The Orokin. They weren’t content to just preserve their Archimedean, were they?” He practically growled. “Egotistical, self-righteous, self-serving  _ bastards _ \- did they think you might be more efficient at your job without  _ lowly nervous me _ in the way?” He scoffed. “Most likely. Someone on that  _ fucking _ High Council intervening - wouldn’t be surprised if it were Executor Ballas, that  _ shithead _ \- practically reveled in being cruel -”

        He was babbling now and starting to tear at his own hair in his anger. Rarely did he ever outwardly show such emotion or swear so much while doing it as he was now.  But, at least he wasn’t crying anymore…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big Sad has turned into Big MAD


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, sorry this took so long.  
> I had a bit of a dry spell in terms of writing/editing anything these last few months.  
> Trying to get back in the saddle with this.

            Why, out of everything, had she then forgotten Simaris—forgotten _Irmis?_

            It caused her to feel immense guilt. No matter what was said to her to as they spoke to try and alleviate it, the feeling wouldn’t fade.

            Suda just couldn’t understand it.

            She may have forgotten the name and face of her beloved because of her dementia, but she still remembered she _was_ married at some point. That they had still been alive after her conversion but refused further contact due to her decision.

            So why had she forgotten him completely if he had been just as important to her?

            The confusion caused her brow to become furrowed in frustration.

            Then, when Simaris had taken her hands into his hands, something within the recesses of her memory finally began to stir.

            Clipped, voiceless, images. All of the same individual, holding her hands in the same manner he was now. Seemingly pleading something to her and getting more and more desperate each time.

            Until one day the pleading stopped and…

            She remembered…

            She remembered the day of her conversion.

            She had seen him one final time before she stepped into the chambers. He’d been standing just down the hall, too far away for her to speak to him but close enough to give him a reassuring smile.

            She had still known him then.

_She had still known him._

            When she uttered the realization aloud, Suda didn’t notice Simaris release his hold on her. Nor did she notice him get up and suddenly fly into a fit of rage on her, as well as his own, behalf at the newly recalled memories.

            Her only reason for not picking up on it as it was happened due to the intense pain she was feeling.

            After she had found the first set of memories, she had pushed herself further to collect more. Her processors were attempting to interlock the sudden influx of ‘new’ memories with those already existing. A similar experience as what Simaris had gone through, but unlike him the precepts set in place to keep them fragmented and locked away were still in place. They weren’t forcibly lifted by a third party, so her processors had to work their way around them all on their own despite the security warnings and breaches that flashed in her mind.

            Her Somatics were sparking feverishly during the attempt. Her low processing power while unconnected to one of her mainframes, as well as the damage left behind by Hunhow’s invasion of her mind, not helping the process in the slightest. It was as though a thunderstorm had suddenly started in the pools of her memory and all she could do was try and blow the dark clouds away.

            “Irmis…” Suda visibly winced as she spoke. Lifting her head to search for where the other had gone once she finally registered his lack of presence. Eyes glowing as bright as a star from how worked up her systems now were. The feedback only growing more intense by the moment.

            “Irmis…!” She repeated a little louder as she pushed herself off the bed once she identified Simaris’ form angrily pacing about the room.

            With his cursing and raving as he pulled at his hair, he didn’t seem to hear her call out to him at all. He didn’t even notice how his Helios ‘children’ were letting out both concerned and fearful beeps as they circled him. His own eyes also glowing more intensely and feverishly than they should have been. Practically burning like an inferno to the point they may actually burst into flames and melt right out of his skull.

            “ **_Irmis!_ ** ” She shouted his name as loud as she could as she physically threw herself at him. Reaching up to grab his arms by the wrists and wrestle his hands away from his head to the best of her ability. But the differences in height and strength made it incredibly difficult.

            While Simaris wasn’t especially muscular or strong, he did still have over a foot of height on Suda. And his infuriated state made him difficult to restrain. It took her multiple attempts to grab his wrists, and it wasn’t until she did that he even noticed her urging him to stop. Eyes flashing almost dangerously as his focused turned to her as though he would redirect his rage at her.

            “Stop, _please!_ ” Suda pleased, trying to usher some sense back into the Sanctuary Cephalon. But her usual level and commanding voice was gone. Replaced by a tired and pained one that was practically begging rather than ordering. One that was very much unlike her. “ _Stop_! You’re going to damage yourself if you don’t regain control!”

            She continued to beg him, and he seemed to allow her pull his arms down and away from his head and hair. Hair that was mussed and wild again from his clawing; near the roots traces of gleaming gold synthetic blood caked against the strands where his nails had scratched at his scalp a little too harshly.

            “There is no point, no worth, in expressing such anger at those who are _dead_.”

            The glow of the Simaris’ eyes had already begun to die down the more Suda spoke, signifying how she was managing to get through. But his breaths still shook. His body trembling with the force of his rage he appeared to be trying to contain.

            “… Yes… Yes, you are correct... There is no worth in it… No worth…” He finally said, hesitantly, and as though trying to convince himself on the matter as well. His tone still angry but he was obviously attempting to calm himself.

            His sentinels did so as well, now that there ‘father’ was no longer going on a self destructive tirade in his bedroom. But Suda paid them no mind. Her attention was more caught by the look Simaris was now giving her. A subtle, but still obvious, contemplative expression as he possibly realized the effect everything was beginning to have on her as well. Her, admittedly poor, attempts at concealing her present condition being seen through almost immediately.

            “You need to reconnect to your mainframe, Suda.” He urged, attempting to shift the focus from himself and onto her. “Or rest. Perhaps even both... Recalling forcibly blocked memories would be difficult even under the best of circumstances… I should know…” Those last words were spoken with a softness that was rather alien coming from him.

            But Suda was rather perceptive, even in her current state. She could still hear the underlying traces of anger in his voice beneath his attempts of masking it.

            “I will _not_ be returning to my mainframe.” She shook her head at his suggestion, shifting into giving Simaris a consoling hug instead. Wrapping her arms around his neck and resting her head against his chest. “That would require leaving you here alone when clearly you aren’t in any state to be left unwatched while you yourself are disconnected.”

            A sigh escaped Simaris, one expressing exasperation--possibly accompanied by the roll of his eyes--as well as relief, as he accepted the hug from her. He himself had begun patting her back lightly as though to reassure her he was fine before returning the embrace with one of his own.

            “I’m not going to do that again...” He muttered quietly as he pulled away slightly. “I give you my word, Suda.”

            Despite his promise, Suda was still skeptical as to whether or not he would keep it with his track record of losing his temper. His own tirades, while not as frequent or full of unbridled rage as many of Ordis’ were, could be quite common on a given day when it came to Sanctuary tasks. They were _especially_ common when a Tenno would instead kill a target he had so carefully selected rather than capture them as directed.  And it was all just the type of behavior she simply did not tolerate.

            She reached up to pet down his unruly hair as he pulled away, grimacing at the slight traces of synthetic kuva blood that stuck to her fingers. Eventually giving into Simaris’ attempt of guiding her to sit down with the hand he’d placed against the small of her back to nudge her. But another pang caused her head to throb as the last of her recovered memories fell into place, forcing her eyes shut again.

            “I’m just as upset about this as you are, Irmis… Do not think I don’t view your anger as justified.” Suda said with lips pressed together into a thin line. She was doing her best to keep whatever composure she still had for Simaris’ sake. Attempting to hide her pained expression with her hands as she removed the decorative circlet she usually wore as she leaned against him for support.  “But we can’t allow ourselves to be consumed by this. There’s nothing we can do about what happened. We can only move forward and try to do better - to fix what they took from both of us.”

            She rubbed at her hew now bare forehead for a moment as though trying to collect her thoughts. Trying to think of something to do that could bring the situation at hand back down to less stressful levels.

            “Perhaps I should make some…” Just as she was about to suggest making them both tea, she spotted the cups she had made before. Sitting on the bedside table barely steaming. “Yes, right… I had already made some…” She let out a small, forced, laugh. “Though it is most likely lukewarm at most by now...”

            “It is no matter.” Simaris said, as though to reassure her as they both sat back down upon the edge of his bed. “Tea is still tea, and it hasn’t entirely gone cold just yet,” He handed Suda her mug first, along with a piece of toast he placed on the side of the saucer, before reaching for his own.

            “Thank you.” She took the tea and toast gratefully. Setting aside her circlet so she could hold both. Though, she didn’t take a bite or sip of either until Simaris had himself.  Her head still feeling rather feverish and throbbing from how she’d over exerted herself with the sudden memory recovery.

            Her own fault, really.

            She could have waited until she was back in her own quarters where she could expend more processing power easily. But her usually sound calls of judgement had been compromised with what she had first uncovered. The shock and the increasing feelings of loss she’d been experiencing up until that moment intensifying and pushing her to go deeper to retrieve all that she could. Even if that meant fighting the precepts and firewalls in place that were meant to stop her.

            “I am… Still angry, Suda.” Simaris said after moment’s pause and taking a sip of the less than warm chamomile. One of his sentinels already taking to settling itself at his side. “I doubt I will ever stop being angry, knowing what I know now...”

            He glanced around his quarters, letting out a little huff. As if he were disgusted by his own room. And given it’s Orokin based architecture and design, that disgust may have been well placed given what they had both just learned.

            But Suda stayed silent and made no comment on this observation. Merely listened to Simaris speak as she finished off the piece of toast she had been given. Having made quick work of it in the state she was in now - energy reserves rather low than what they had been not even a half hour ago.

            “You are right in one respect: the past is the past and cannot be changed… But now that I remember… We can indeed move forward, as you said before.” Simaris continued on after a breath. Passing the plate of remaining toast over to Suda after noticing her having finished the first piece he’d given her. Almost as though he were encouraging her to have more. “Our previous relationship need not be lost to the ages. Though in the past I may have said some…Regrettable things...”

            A guilty look crossed his face for a moment, as he frowned slightly. A look that was not lost to the Archival Cephalon who could so easily read him after all the time they had known one another.

            “I do not give excuses or ask forgiveness.” he then said. “But… I do still wish mend things between us… So long as you still wish it as well.”

            “There is nothing that requires forgiveness to begin with, Irmis…” Suda reached up to push Simaris’ hair behind his ear so she could better see his face as she spoke. Her voice once again soft and motherly. “Even long before this, you were already attempting to better yourself after Hunhow’s breach of the weave.” She gave a light chuckle and smile. “We were already on the path of mending our relationship as it was.”

            Her hand moved from his hair to the side of his face as she began thumbing his cheek affectionately. Though her own expression remained as tired and hurt as it had been previously despite all her efforts to appear well.

            “I am… Grateful to you, Suda.” Simaris began, attempting to return the sad smile she had given him. “For your understanding, as well as everything else you have done for me. I realize I never was one to express it much in the past, but… I was grateful then as well.”

            “I know that you are.” Suda stated with another faint smile. “However, before the thought escapes me as so many do, on the topic of ‘forgiveness’… The only ones who would _need_ to ask for such would be the Orokin. And if they were even _still alive_ to do so, I wouldn’t grant them such even if my very existence were at risk.” She practically scowled, an expression that was rather alien for Suda. Showing that she too was still angry, just as Simaris was. “They stole precious memories of you away from me. Memories I had wished to keep through my conversion. And that is something I cannot overlook or _ever_ forgive…”

            Simaris’ brows also furrowed slightly when she brought up the Orokin and he reached over, to give her hand a little squeeze.

            “Nor should we forgive them.” He affirmed. “The Orokin stole much from many others while the empire still stood. To find out they stole from both of us as well only makes the issue rather more personal.” A glare appeared, not directed at anyone or anything in particular, but rather simply brought on by the memory of the Orokin. “Our lives are ours. Cephalon or not. They had no right to interfere. Were they still alive, I would do everything within my considerable power to ensure they did not remain so,” simaris said, bitterly, echoing suda’s previously expressed sentiments. “Preservation precepts be damned.”

            Suda couldn’t help but let out an amused laugh at simaris’ practical declaration of war on the race of their dead superiors. Even with his old self being brought back to light, the destructive nature of his persona he had forged over the years still remained. It made her rather curious if, in fact, it had always been a part of him - even when he was still nothing but that nervous boy she presided over and looked after.

            Had he always had such thoughts?

            Nothing from what she could remember gave indication… Asides from one particular memory. Another instance where he had gone into a fit of rage just as he had earlier. Only, his cheeks were still stained with tears even in his deep set anger as he had broken down in front of her. Anger that had been directed towards his father and others that had imposed similar forms of emotional and mental abuse towards his person.

            Perhaps it was this bottled up anger from his previous life that lead him to be as he was as Simaris. Those reactions and instincts were no longer suppressed and blanketed by the once more docile and submissive personality of Irmis. Instead, they were amplified by the new persona that came into being in his life as a Cephalon. Hence his sudden lashing out at the long-dead Orokin now.

            In the end, it all came back to their becoming Cephalon...

            “To them, my willingness to become Cephalon may have been their exact reasoning for intervening.” Suda sighed, pushing the tray that Simaris had passed over to her earlier back to him. Insisting that he also eat as well. Though possibility his concern over _her_ needing to eat to get her strength back was not lost on her. “I relinquished all rights of my person to serve my purpose upon signing _that_ agreement. An agreement long since null. Our lives are indeed ours now. There is no one above us Orokin made Cephalon to control us any longer. Our only servitude remaining is that to our purpose. Memories. Preservation…”

            Suda set her empty tea cup back on the bedside table it had been on originally. Freeing her hands and lap of anything that could get in the way as she stood up to stand in front of Simaris. Taking his head in her hands and tilting his chin up to look at her while his sentinels beeped curiously off to the side.

            “And now: continuity. Picking up where we had left off so long ago.” Her eyes feel closed for a moment as she placed a soft kiss to his forehead. Another warm, but still tired, smile gracing her lips when she pulled away to look at him again. “But presently, you really should finish eating your breakfast, Irmis. You always had a bad habit of skipping just to end up both tired and starved before even half the day was done. And it seems that’s a habit you never lost.”

            The kiss to his forehead seemed to startle Simaris slightly, as he blinked at Suda in slight confusion. “… My breakfast?” He glanced back at the plate of toast. “Even after all of this, your main concern is whether or not I have eaten?”

            “Of course.” She said plainly.

            “I shouldn’t be so surprised. And yet, I am.” Simaris gave a little huff as he shook his head, seeming to be struggling hard against a smile that was trying to make its way onto his face. “Suda, the difference between then and now is that unlike then, I may eat at whatever time I wish, rather than waiting to be allowed a break.” Nevertheless, while he said this he did as she had instructed. “It is not just me who has changed… My situation has as well. At least that was for the better.”

            “Yes, at the very least you no longer have to fear being taken advantage of as you were so many times before. No more superiors whose deadlines you or i have to meet…” Suda agreed with a sigh, her expression saddening at what she spoke next. “But we do have to fear those who would try and take us apart… After all, Orokin made Cephalon that still function are a rarity in this day and age… If the Tenno did not see our causes as worthy and assist us as much as they did, we more than likely would have had to stay in hiding. These relays we’ve been calling home since the Orokin fell were built by them after all. They are presently all that protects us from the clutches of the Corpus or Grineer…”

            Suda fell silently momentarily after that. As if reflecting on this information herself. It was not something she herself had thought about in a long time. How even while the Tenno slept for more than a hundred years, they remained safe aboard their relays; hidden away from unwanted eyes until their existence was discovered.

            There was always the looming threat of attack.

            “But I digress… Different situation or not, your physical body still needs to eat on a regular basis.” Suda folded her arms over her chest as she shifted most of her body’s weight onto one leg. Changing the topic back to what it had been about originally instead of dragging it back down to much darker matters. “Just as it needs to sleep on a more consistent schedule along with your diagnostic rest cycle.”

            Suddenly she reached out, pinching Smaris on one of his ears while he was deep in thought over what she had said, causing him to let out a surprised yelp. “Just because you are your own Cephalon and have no one to report to, Irmis, doesn’t mean you can continue doing as you have been.”

            She gave a tug as she continued to frown disapprovingly. Though she was careful not to actually hurt him as she did, her nagging coming from her concern for his well being. Just as they had always been even before today, but with increased drive and emotion.

            “Always ignoring my advice and leaving your body asleep while your mind is busy off doing tasks. Keeping your processors running without a moment's rest. And you wonder why you’re still always tired? You’re working yourself into the _ground_ again on your own accord!”

**Author's Note:**

> More to come <3  
> 


End file.
